I did very well with my business this week. It started slow and then did great. I am really thankful. Our families dear friends the Yorks daughter Laura and her husband Alan adopted a little precious boy Jesse. He died Tuesday. He is 10 months old, and had a condition from birth. Mollie and i got ot go and take care of their little one while the service was going on. Her name is Hope. She is hope, so delightful. Mollie nor I had ever seen a baby in a casket. He was just perfect, like a china doll. Really, he was beautiful. The evening was very hard on Mollie, so many of our friends that we had not seen in a while asked us how we were doing. I told Mollie it is so hard to be honest sometimes. I would like to say oh we are doing really good. The truth is that we are struggling more now sometimes then ever, I would say well it has been had this last month. Byt the time we left Mollie was ourside crying. She did want to help and was glad we did. Just a hard thing to do. We are going to her friends grandpas funeral in the morning. I work and then the service is at 11. Todd's game is at noon, then Mr. Don is coming over. I told him Sun. that I was doing terrible in the check books. He said well we'll fix it. Sweet, sweet man. I think I would tell me to just forget it.
It is hard to know why Mollie is surrounded by death. Maybe it is what keeps us dealing with our own hurt. I don't know.
Mollie came home from school today. I had them get Samuel out of class and bring her home. I couldn't leave becasue of doing hair. it was so helpful, the lady I was doing is a childrens grief counselor. She has so much wisdom and such a willing to share heart. I pick her brain the whole time I do her hair, I feel like I should do it for free she is so helpful.
A funny, on me. I had been given tanning coupons so I wouldn't burn on my trip. Now I am Indian and tan like crazy anyway. I thought oh that won't be hard to get some color and then be able to stay out all day and not burn. i went the first time and didn't see much color so the next time thinking oh I am so dark skinned and really don't bun anyway I will try the stronger light. I oucldn't even sit today. I am burned so bad. Never in my life have I burned like this. Stupid, stupid. I woke up at 1:30 thinking what on earth I am hurting all over. I got up and looked and couldn't believe it. I had to take advil to even lay down. Now I know what white people feel like when they burn. Did I say stupid?Reguarless I am so excited to be getting to go and just do nothing. Peggy my friend who I am going with said it is 8 hours to the place where we take off. I will enjoy even sitting that long just not doing.
I feel like I would like to run away. To not be responsible, just veg out. I know I can then say oh I would miss it so much. Well I am ready to miss it.
To realize there is never someone to just empty the dish washer or rinse out the sink. To pick up milk. I know this sounds probably so silly to you but it is a rude awakening to relalize that this is all forever, I just can't wrap my brain around it. I can't imagine how the kids are feeling. I see in their faces sometimes this void. I think part of the hard part for me is to see each one of them and try to keep in touch with how they are doing and watch to see signs of struggles.
I am so glad I have Mollie and Samuel home. They are such a great treasure to me.
Mollie went to spend the night with a friend, Samuel is out, Todd and Michael are working. I was going to get the energy to go and visit Michael, he loves that. I just oculdn't tonight.i am looking forward to going out tomorrow. A friends husband plays in an 80's band and I am going to go with her and listen. Should be really fun.
The taxes are almost done. I just need the pharmacy report and then I can turn it over. I haevn't filled out the FASFA stuff for Todd and they are sending me papers saying I shoudl do that. Spring is on it's way, I'm sure.