Mary Beth got my father on hospice. He has been failing, she will now get more help and others looking in on him. It is so terrribly sad to see. He is not able to walk but a few steps to get to his wheelchair. Stays in bed and sleeps. She is doing such a great job of caring for him. This week she is at church camp as a nurse. I know it helps to know that others are watching him closer. He has fallen several times.
I started getting the packets for school. I felt myself get all tense. How rediculous is that. To fill out all the paperwork. There are so many checks to go with each paper. You know it isn't rocket science. (feels like it), I got it all filled out, now to make sure I remember the safe place I put it all. I miss my girlfriends that moved this summer. It is so strange to drive by the area where they live and think oh I should stop by.
I say again if you have not read the Shack do, it is hard to get into, like the first half of the book then it is such a sweet story and so challenging in my thinking of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
FOr the first time since I have had children I am glad school is starting. That is sad for me. I am tryihg to see it as just another stage is life. I was a wonderfully weird summer. I am so thankful for the times that I got to be and do things with loved ones and yet it wasn't like summer at all. I haven't said for a while, it is so important we tell out loved ones that we do love them. I encourage you to write a note, hug, kiss, touch them. It is so easy for me to get past the day and think did I touch them when they went by, say and encouraging word. Satan has so many negatives in the world. Where else in life do they get all of this but from us.
I feel and see GOd's presence everyday., FOr that I am so grateful. I really don't know what I would do. I ofund myself in my bed just sitting thinking I don't think I am going to get up. ALong came Debbie at the right time I know sent by GOd., She sat up in bed with me and talked shared funny stories, asked me what she could do. Michael came along and got in bed too. I know it was good for him to be there.
He is moving back into the house. I prayed abou tit and asked him to. Michael has been offered help to go back to school. Having his own apartment is so expensive. I do want him to be successful, and he would like to go more hours and get this over. I think he has a year. For me (if you know our relationship) this will be a really tough time. I know it is God who is calling me to have him here., I am really working on being welcoming. He is such fun guy, has great energy, I want to look on that, set my boundaries, and know the best is on the way. It will be hard for him too. It is always hard to move home. He is ready I think to get it going. I am going to try and help him move in this weekend. I would like to get it over and some things settled before school starts for the other kids.
It is so hard to think of the trees changing colors. It was like I just had to do this by myself once. Then all would be better. Not true. I talked with a grief counselor. She was so good to tell me of the 18-24 month time. That seems to be a harder time for people who have lost loved ones. I was so glad to talk to her. She is so good about not saying it will be for sure but some people. When I was told so many times in such sure ways that it is so much easier after the one year I believed it like it was truth. Now I find out it is so not. After the one year it is usually harder for a while. You face that this is forever not just gearing up for one year to get through the firsts.
I think I am doing as well as I can be. There are many disappoinments in life after death. (That sounded funny) Firends change, you know longer are a couple to do things with, church is so much different, all thinks are different. It is a daily adjustment.
Did I tell you that my brother in law David told me to put together a list of things I needed done. You didn't have to ask me that twice. He fixed the drawers in the office. They have been driving me crazy for so long. Mollies light, my toilet seat...It was awesome. Fred that same weekend worked on the paper shredder, my girlfriend used it and it got stuck. It was broken and Fred bought me a new one. It is so great to have things working.
I was so proud of myself to put up the smoke carbon detectors by myself. Granite it took a long time but they are up. Wooo , hooooo

Make a great day.