My day yesterday didn't go as panned but as usual when I just go with it it is awesome. I got up and did my exercise at 6 and headed out to do chores. I had to get some things at hardware store. I have been chomping at the bit to use my birthday from Fred and get some plants.
I got the rest of the seeds planted, cucs, cherry tomatoes, and some herbs. I called Debbie feeling blue. Wanting her to go to lunch and she said oh let me come and help in the garden. Wow was that a loaded offer. We worked till 7:30 My clients canceled and then I picked up client called that was in from out of town and I got to do her while (mind you Debbie still working) We had gone to Nacho Mamas and I was on my way to take her done and she said oh we didn't even get started. She worked while I worked and then we hit it again. I have been trying to scale back on all the beds. Like killing most of the stuff. (breaks my heart) But it is good. She pulled up so much the front is empty with plops of perennials all around. She said oh this will be a welcoming side walk. I have never even thought of that. It is I walked out there real early this am and felt so good to have that done. MY friend dumped some compost for the garden (veg) and to put on the flower gardens. I love the smell so much. It is a smell I can't help but think of my mother.
I talked through, while working how I am just realizing that I am no loner an at home mom. It is so sad for me. I think I have been trying to pretend that I could be that still. Life has so many changes that just broad side you, it is hard to realize you have to handle things different as a full time working mother who is acting as, both parents and responsible for everything. I feel like I could have been more patient with people I have known through the years who could not do all I got to because they worked full time. I am so very very grateful for Mike more then ever. I went to the zoo with the kids like 2 or 3 times a week, Grants farm often, all the other places that is what we did. He was so happy that I got to go and do all those things. If someone needed anything, I was so available. I have been grieving the loss of being able to do and be a part of others lives so much. I feel like I pass myself in the hall. I haven't gotten Samuels senior pictures ( I thought oh duh I got to get that done) I have not sent or made his announcements. On and on the list could go, but when I walk out into the yard I feel AHHHHHH peaceful. I am trying to write all the things that I do get done. I think satan so wants us to feel defeated. I remind myself all through the day that today is Gods, know He is in charge and be still in that. I told Debbie yesterday that I think God is preparing me for a job someday in paperwork. I swear, I am now needing to request forms for the hospitals where Samuel had all his stuff done and start filling out all that and calling and messing with that. I get it done and think whew now I won't have to do that again.
My request for man. He needs to loves God more then me. He would need that I think to handle the rest. Loves paper work and yard work. Would love a high strung women who loves to play, keep house,play, and play. Spontaneous, not much for a schedule. Likes to camp, kyak, or float and would love to be around three high testosterone, protective men and one precious girl. (remind you though still a teen so it could change at any moment Would love to have people in (whenever) love to have people live with us (whenever). Oh by the way doesn't want me to work but just a few days a week. Likes to cook fresh healthy food, could be gourmet (not necessary) Requires me to use the controls for the TV. oh and Larry one that does not spell very well. But really likes people, what do you think?

Psalms 19:1.." The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands? Day after day they pour forth speech night after night they display knowledge."
Look around us, this spring is just gorgeous. The trees blooming,green all around, to think He does this just for us is so reassuring to me.

Make a great day, squeeze those you love, say the words I love you, stop and listen to our Father.