I guess I keep thinking if I don't say it, it really won't be true. Mike has been gone for two years. I feel so sick about it. Like how could it be. I can't stop thinking about him. I miss his gentle spirit his patience with me. The way he found things that I lost, he always closes the doors I open. My life seemed all alright when he would spoon around me. No matter what was going on when his arms would go around me I would think "See it's all alright"
I still feel such a void. Like I am always missing something.
I was to go with my friend to Marco Island. We got 89 dollar tickets, and were to drive her friends moms car back. I have been struggling with thinking I shouldn't go. Mollie is at camp, counseling. I decided that I wouldn't go. Hannah was so good to say I think that is the right decision. I appreciate her. It was my carrot to get through the summer. It seemed so far away when we booked it. I want to do something with Mollie the first week of aug. I feel much better about it now.
The kids and I are going to have dinner together for Mike's two year.
Some of you know already that I am to be a grandma. Michael is having a baby the 10th of Dec. He is so precious, trying so hard to get some things together. He and Cara go to all the appointments together. I know he is hurting so knowing his dad won't meet his baby. I always looked so forward to MIke and I being grandparents together. We would have rocked. Taking the kids camping and he was always so good to play and love on little ones. Makes them feel so special.
Michael and Brandon are working so hard with their new business. Some days they mow 30 yards. Then they both work at Domenic's at night. Not every night.
Samuel is enjoying his summer with friends. They have been camping, floating, and lots of fishing. He has some good friends that I am glad he has.
Our youth group here did a mission trip here. The kids knocked doors, asking the people if they needed anything done, like yard, shrubs, cleaning things out. Then they asked the people if they oculd pray for them. I am so proud of them. There they were up on the porches holding hands with the people prayng with them. They worked everyday dong chores in the heat. Mollie loved it. Jeremy (youth minister) had 30 kids from Houston come in and all the kids stayed at the Webster University dorms. New friends for life. It was precious hearing the stories and how Big God is.
I really just want to get through the week. I know the kids are struggling, what do you even do with all this. I don't know but to keep on stepping forward. Everyday I see God's great love for me. I am grateful that I am still working out and feeling healthy.
I did a wedding yesterday a client that raised her boys herself for 13 years and now found a precious man. One week before the wedding her 17 year old son was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma. Today he starts his first chemo. Life is precious, health is not to be taken for granite. Things like that just puts everything in prospective.
St. Louis is hopping, the All Star Game is here. So many activities, exciting for our city.
I need to tell you thank you for sticking with me these last years. Knowing that you read and care if a real gift. I want to tell you thank you so much.
I can almost see Mike drive in the drive with a big smile, ready for dinner. I can't stop crying, wish it would go away.