Sometimes I just think I can't watch the kids hurt anymore., Mollie tonight was so precious. Her birthday is coming on the 8th. Mike went into the hospital on the day she turned 12. I ran home from the emergency room to do the cake and stay a bit. mark and Margaret set up the tents and cooked on the grill for her and her friends. It was so terrible for her. She was so little and confused. Now she is so grown acting and still it is the nightmare. I got to hole her tonight and just be so sad. We are having some kids for her birthday, the boys are going to grill for her. In her tears she said she just didn't want a birthday. It waas so hard for her to go back to school after the break. It was so good to not have to go and to just be.
I hate to be so sad with the weather when people are flooding and I sit in my dry house. But I am so sick of the grey I could scream.
Please pray specifically for the secondary insruance for TOddm which is the school insurance to pay their part. Now the physical therapy place has not paid so he is not able to continue, It is hours literally on the phone trying to get something done. He is getting collectors sending notes, I have been to the school and of course they are not too concerned with his credit. He has worked so hard to pay and save and not get into financial trouble and now here he is getting collector stuff.. I think it stinks. Michael is trying to work out bills from the staph. I swear, my plan was to be done with all the hospital stuff and dealings with the insurances once I get Mike paid for. Oh no, again it is not my plan, imagine that. It is so frustrating to deal with all these people.
Todd gets to buy a car from so good friends of ours who continue to keep showing Jesus to him so boldly that he has to see. I was going to sell the camry but have decided that I would like MOllie to learn to drive on that camry instead of mine.
Please pray also for Mollie to have the heart to go to this day long retreat for teens dealing with the death of a loved one. I know it would be scary but I have heard so many great things about it. I am trying to decide if I should make her go, I am trying praying.
I am not sleeping well. When I do exercise I sleep better but for the love of me it is like torture to get there. When Michael left today he said ok mom I am meeting you there at 4:30.
Another reason Mollie probly is strugglking is that her concert preformance for choir before they go to Colorado for competition is tomorrow night. One more big thing that he will not be at.
You know the little boy we mension Ira, well he is having a huge GOd surgery. Keep him in prayer. I know some of you do already.
I am so terribly lonely. I am not wanting people at my house tomorrow, it is not like that it is ahole that can't seem to be filled, an ache that is not going away, a longing that just gets darker, a dream that will never be fulfilled, hands that are not held. I am so tired, and I know it is still just the beginning. Every time I come to a new month I think oh no don't come that will mean one more month. 9 months., I could have a baby, (if I could have) I seems impossible to me. I called my friend today to say on a recording, This is the day the Lord has mad rejoice and be glad in it, I told her It is a choice that I just don't care to make today.
I went to a cutting design class today. We did 3 different cuts with probly 3 different techniques in each. It was good for my mind, then came (oh no I don't know how I do this) to work. Mollie came out to the shop, that is always nice. I then cut Michaels hair. He took her to target to get some hose for the choir. Iwas so grateful for the help. Idon't think I really could have taken her after work.