I have decided that cameras and I don't get along. I now can't seem to get the pictures off the camera onto the computer. Oh well. I will figure it out soon. I have been avoiding writing. There was so many great things that happened with Sharon and I in COlorado. We got to be with her grandchildren (Iam the great aunt, I will remind them often just how great I am) They are just adorable and I have darling pictures to put on. My first God story was when we got at the cottages, they had told me on the phone they only had one cabin that had been canceled. It was not the one that I wanted Sharon to stay in. Where the boys and Mike went fly fishing and we love. They had told me 12 and when we got there tehy said 17 which is the perfect cabin. We froze the first night, one more thing that was not my job, turning on the room heater. We couldn't get it. Sharon showers in the am and I could swear that I saw my breath. It was so perfect to be with life friends. I was glad we stayed where we did. It was very hard and everyday has been harder. I think I thought oh when the year is here it will be easier. I am really struggling. I cannot get the pictures of the last weeks out of my mind. They are there at all points. Wishing I had not encouraged him to go ahead and get the stint, wondering how I missed how much pain he would have been in taking me to the fireworks and then dying 12 days later. I can with my brain understand all but my mind and heart it is seeming impossible. Mollie had a wonderful time at camp. Two of our girls were bapitised, Mike would have just loved to have been a part of that. Then I started thinking of Mike and Mollie's bapitsm she was 3 days before he died. If you remember the boys with Mark and Don carried MIke out to the back where we had filled a pool. It was strang because usually people stay and talk to the one who made that decision and we just hurried him back in and really didn't pay too much attention to it. My friend Debbie had a great idea of me buying her a cross and having someone give it to her with a note on her spiritual birthday. I did that and am so glad. Sharon and my trip was just perfect. I missed her terribly when I rode home to St. Louis by myself. I tell people that we laughed and peed our way across Kansas and COlorado. Very good to have tackled that. I was also glad that we stayed a short time. I got to be with Hannah and Emily and Monty. I loved that. It was so good to be with Mary Beth and David. Sharon and I stopped and spent time with my dad in Lawrence. I was glad she went with me. Sharon and Mike have so many qualities alike. She is very patient and kind like him. I loved when he was with me with my dad. It was one of the best visits I have had with him in years. He told me how glad he was that I had come. Squeezed my leg and then he sorta went away into another story that wasn't on track. I hugged him from above where he was sitting and couldn't quit crying. It is so sad to see someone who is so , so intelligent not able to keep a conversation.
I have been back at work buisy, buisy. These next 2 1/1 weeks are my ones that have grown to a good amount of work. For that I am thankful.
Mollie leaves for Maine tomorrow for a mission trip. She will be gone for 11 days. She will be gone for Mike's one year. I am struggling with her gone for so long. I know it will be ok.
I feel like I work so hard in a day to not just cry all the time. It doens't take anything for me to start tearing. In some sort of wierd way you think oh we have done this for the whole year now it is time to go back to normal. I can't do it anymore. DOn't want to be responsible, make all the decissions. So many pelople told me that once you have gotten through all the firsts it will be so much easier. I don't know where they got there info but it is so not true for me. Now it is like screaming this is your life. You just thought you would have to do this this one time, now you know it is forever.


Invitation. Please come to a dinner at our home on the 25th of July. Our friends the Pennington's from Thailand are coming. We want to encourage them and get to be with them but also Russ wrote a song for MIke. He came and sang with the kids and Tracy when Mike was sick. They are special to MIke, they crawled up on his bed and sang to him. It ment so much. Russ is going to sing the song honoring MIke. It will be our one year. Bring a lawn chair. Give me a call. 452-5552